The Swingers Lifestyle: What Excites Mizzy Bender
- Mizzy Bender
- 5 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
The Swingers Lifestyle: What Excites Mizzy Bender
We were minutes away from Charlie arriving and I had so many thoughts running through my head.
When I started blogging the recap of our trip to Fusion Parties, New Hampshire Swingers adventure, it was with a few questions in mind that the readers are curious about and want to hear more about.
Today we are tapping into "What excites" me when attending a swingers lifestyle party. I am writing in chronological order, so this subject may pop up again before the series is over. It is interesting because I never really thought about it. It sounds so silly to say, but I don't really think deep into anything unless I have to. For the most part, I keep everything at surface level. I follow the energy. Going through this exercise has been fun, enlightening and educational in regards to my space within the swingers lifestyle. The self reflection has been motivating and encouraging to keep exploring.
The First Moment That Excites Me
If I had to share the moments that excite me, then the I would have to start with thinking about the first interaction. I am talking about the very moment you say hello. From a lifestyle perspective, this moment sets the tone immediately and if you are a good lifestyler, you will pick up on the body language, vibe and openness, if any. Since Charlie is not lifestyle I know his tone is going to be way different than what I have with our other singe guy. His tone is going to be a "normal vanilla" friend. Is there a difference ? Oh yes, there is!
Swinger vs Vanilla
You see, swingers are definitely way more open. We are more inclined to hug & kiss on the cheek hello. There's a lot of open touching (with those you have permission with) and it feels so light in a way. If you read my Party Like its 2004 blog, you will see this is the exact behavior I have always loved. I just needed find my way to the lifestyle. Who knew!
Vanilla humans may hug & kiss hello, but not always. I feel like in this day and age you're lucky if you even receive a hello (just opinion). Since everyone is so attached to their phones and way less social, interactions have changed. During COVID lockdown we all picked up on unhealthy habits, never returning to pre-COVID ways.
Establishing My Lifestyle Play Relationships
The relationship I have with our other single guy is so open and so flowy and we always kiss on the lips. If we are just hanging, I can put my head on his lap and my feet on Spencer's and it be perfectly normal. It is beyond comfortable. It is a beautiful relationship that I value so much. We don't always bang, but when we do, the energy that flows through the threesome is so explosive. They are both aggressive, with our single guy a little more dark and aggressive. Since he and Spencer are both veteran swingers and I'm the newbie of the two, the dominant/submissiveness is out in full force. I appreciate the fact that we can have deep conversation about anything and everything. We really are the best of friends with benefits. These are the relationships I value within the swingers lifestyle. Its the reason why I have a hard time classifying myself as a swinger. If you read the dynamic, it is way more than sexual. Please do not misinterpret this as I am in love with him or any play partner for that matter. Many people get this confused when they hear of anyone having relationships such as this. Frankly, it is hard to explain if you do not feel and think that way as an individual.
Since I do think that way as an individual, it is easier for me to take the lead with Charlie, making him feel as comfortable as possible with our lifestyle propositions. I know that Charlie is very cautious because he does not want to have a falling out with Spencer in any way. Afterall, they have been the best of friends for years. In this dynamic, I feel like it is my job to keep the balance. Why? For the following reasons:
Spencer has openly accepted another man into the composition. I always want to make sure he knows that he is my whole heart in everyway. In this particular scenario, since we were traveling together, it was my job to balance my time the proper way between the both of them.
Charlie is new to this and I want to respect that. I also want to educate him along the way. The more I openly share, the more he has to think through, determining his comfort levels. I also know what his fears. Its my job to eliminate the fear by providing understanding and information.
I want to have the most pleasurable, orgasmic experiences. In order for that to happen, we all need to be aligned, happy and fulfilled. In order for that to happen, I really want Charlie to know I value him as a person and not just as an added enjoyment to our relationship. With Spencer, it is adding pleasure to his kinks or fulfilling his kinks, which ultimately turns me on more that anything
Sex & Play vs Emotions
Its all very delicate. I was once new and understand how challenging it is to differentiate between the feelings of sex & play vs emotions. Initially I didn't understand. I am so thankful Spencer didn't push me. He allowed me to take my time to learn, watch and explore with little tests here and there. I call them tests because that's exactly what it is. You want to see how far you can push things. Of course within respectful limits. You can tell whether things are being received or not. We all do it. It's a matter of whether you actually pay attention and stop when you know you have hit the limit for that moment. The problem becomes when you keep pushing. This is an immediate red flag. I personally feel that if you keep pushing you ultimately do not respect the person you are trying to interact with. If you did respect that person, you would pull back, realign, conversate and then continue to move forward in the way that was agreed upon from the conversation.
This is the exact way I have been exploring the evolving relationship with Charlie. This particular travel weekend we had about 36+ hours to openly explore through conversation and touch and I was not going to waste it. I was going to test the waters, push the boundaries, seeing how far we can continue to take things. My ultimate goal is solo dates with he and I so this is a learning and growing process for us both.
This all excites me very much ....
Check back on Sundays, 7pm EST for the continuation.
To read part one, click here: Traveling Naughty: Our First Adventure with a Single Guy to Fusion Parties - New Hampshire Swingers
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
XOXO,
Mizzy
The stories and experiences shared on this blog reflect my personal journey, memories, and perspective. Everything I share here represents my truth, told through my eyes and heart. This content is deeply personal, and out of respect, it should not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any manner without explicit permission.
Each individual mentioned in my stories has played a significant role in my life—people I have deeply cared for, still care for, and hold respect toward. My intention is never to harm, offend, or disrespect anyone. Instead, my aim is to honestly share my experiences, thoughts, and emotions from my personal viewpoint.
Please read these stories understanding that this is solely my perspective, and others involved may see or remember these moments differently.
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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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