The Day I Learned about the Swingers Lifestyle by Mizzy Bender
The Day I Learned about the Swingers Lifestyle by Mizzy Bender
One of the things I am always asked is "How did Mizzy Bender enter the lifestyle?" I am going to begin blogging about my entire experience. The good, the bad and the ugly. The deep, the raw and inspiring. We are starting with the day I learned about the swingers lifestyle. This sets the foundation for everything that has happened through current day. The reasons why I am the way I am in the lifestyle and in life in general.
Saturday, June 30, 2018
It was the morning of Saturday, June 30th and my ex-husband, stepson and I were heading out to car dealerships in search of a truck for my stepson. He was one month away from getting his drivers license, so we wanted to be prepared. In addition we needed a new truck as well. At that time I drove an expedition and my ex drove a pathfinder pickup truck. His truck became a construction work vehicle and it certainly showed. The plan was to get rid of the pathfinder, purchase an F150 as the main vehicle, making the expedition the work vehicle. For many years, my ex and I car pooled to work, so the plan made sense when it was proposed.
The first stop of the day was to the Ford dealership. We began the search by looking at the F150's and as we are looking at this truck, I'm realizing how much I don't want this. Up until this point, all the vehicles we had were not my choice. It's not a big deal, but at this particular moment in time it was a major deal. You see, my ex didn't have a license because of a felony DWI (I do want to make mention, at the time of arrest he was not actually driving the car, but that's a story for another time. He also had a conditional license allowing him to drive to/from work). So, we were standing in the parking lot of Ford, talking to the sales guy and all of a sudden, I blurted out … no, we aren't getting this. I want to get something I want so I'd like to see your Mustangs. We went around back and from a distance I picked the prettiest one I could find and said … we are taking that. I had no idea about the car itself … the cost, the specifications, nothing.
I thought to myself, what the fuck. Why are we getting a car I don't want, for a person who can not even drive. Around the same time period, I received an incredible raise and hit my goal of over 100k before the age of 35 and I felt damn proud. Whatever came over me at that moment was a true power move. That was NO - I am not living like this any more and I need to make a real statement. Things at home really needed to change, and by this point in our relationship, I was emotionally tapped out. I was learning how to love from a distance through Al-Anon, implementing the steps little by little, journaling my little heart out to keep me moving forward. The moment I chose the car, I knew I was gaining strength to follow through on my exit plan. However, the aftermath of that choice is something I should have expected, but didn't. I don't think I really cared any more. I mean, I did and didn't. I'm sure you know what I mean. But also, every episode took me off guard. No matter how many binges and drunk situations, it always took me by surprise. I always wanted to believe the promises. I was always so hopeful that things would change.
Isn't she a beauty ....
After the lease paperwork for the Mustang was written up, we finalized plans to pick up the car on Monday directly after work. Once we finished up at Ford we proceeded to find a pathfinder elsewhere for my step son. He was so happy and excited. The little boy I once knew was morphing into his own human, ready to fly very soon. It was definitely a tough time period. Knowing so much of the future was going to change not having him around all the time. Not having him to take care of. That is what I lived for. But, that's the cycle of life. They must fly and experience life in their own eyes of freedom.
Our car mission came to an end early afternoon and as soon as we got home, my step son went out and was gone for the night until curfew. At the same time, my ex secretly drank his hidden vodka. He was so wasted within an hour of being home. Eventually he fell asleep. That was the cycle. I spent so much time alone in life while he spent his time beyond intoxicated or sleeping it off so he can repeat the cycle day after day. We also spent our lives confined to our room. Its the only place in the house we hung out. I have no idea why. So, while he slept, I sat right next to him because I wasn't allowed to do anything. I wasn’t allowed to have friends, go places or anything. Now, it was never said you can not do these things, but when I tried, a drunk war broke out. Or my step son would call me telling me his dad was a mess and he didn’t know what to do. So, it just became that I stayed home. Unless it was for a PTA board meeting, football board or baseball board meeting, I didn’t go. It was sad and lonely. Only a few people knew what went on in my household and not to the depths that it was. My aunt was one of the few people that I really relied on. She and I were in terrible relationships, so we connected over our sadness. I mean, her and I were always besties. There’s no denying it. We were ride or dies and my ex hated her. He hated everything she stood for. She was wild and free in her own ways, and my ex couldn’t stand it. Everytime I would spend time with her, it was always that we were out whoring around, doing skanky things. Which was never the truth. The nights or days, it didn’t matter the time of the outing, always ended in ridiculous fights with him drunk. So I would be very choiceful when I did actually leave the house, because I had to prepare for the aftermath.
So, shortly after realizing my ex was drunk again, I received a text message from my aunt asking me to go to a party with her at Cherry Grove. Cherry Grove is our LGBT community that is full of life and energy. She and I would visit frequently, going to the beach, to Cherry’s (the bar) or to our extended family members' summer rental. So it wasn’t an unusual destination for us. We absolutely loved the summer vibe! Because of the drunken mess, I decided to get my shit together to go out. Why in the world would I stop my life to sit next to a drunk individual to avoid conflict. Come one. I already made one power move for the day … here comes the next!
Aunty… Yes, I will go! What time should I be ready? I don't remember the true time, but I do know it was early evening, maybe 5 or 6pm. So, here I am thinking we are going to the extended family members house. I wore a black pencil skirt with some sort of double layer top with wedge sandals. I wasn’t allowed to wear tank tops or crop tops or anything that was revealing. The pencil skirts were my rebelion. I felt like I chose a great party outfit.
As soon as my aunt picked me up and saw my outfit, she was like.. What are you wearing? LOL. Clearly I chose the wrong setup. I obviously should have inquired a bit more on what we were really up to, but that’s what made this the adventure of a lifetime. (little did I know).
By the time we made it to the ferry port, I wasn’t even thinking about the ridiculousness happening at home. I did realize that I was completely out of place and the odd man out. The group she introduced me to were dressed in complete summer attire. Bikini tops, short shorts, the whole nine. YIKES - I felt a little silly, but there wasn’t anything I could do at that exact moment. My aunt suggested we look for some shorts or something when we get to the other side. This is the moment I met Spencer. I knew he and my aunt were good friends, as she had spoken about him alot through time. When she made the introduction it was simply… This is Spencer. It wasn’t this is Spencer he is a swinger, or this is his party - a swinger meet & greet. Nope, not a word. I did however receive a wristband to wear so I fit in with the group. Spencer and I spoke for a few minutes. It was a hello and if I want a THC lollipop. I said, no thank you, I don’t take drugs from strangers. LMAO. But it’s true. I don’t.
The ferry ride was smooth sailing. We made it to the grove and shopped for new clothes while the group
we traveled stationed themselves inside Cherry’s, getting their party on. My aunt and I joined, but kind of kept to ourselves. We LOVE to dance. Her and I could have fun doing anything together. We really loved the night life and the music and the energy of it all. Her and I were two peas in a pod who had an excitement for life and adventure.
Eventually, when my ex woke up realizing I wasn’t home, the messages started coming. They got mean and out of control. I stopped paying attention and decided to live the night like it was the greatest day of my life. That was exactly what I did.
As my aunt and I were dancing in our own area, kind of away from the group, Spencer would pop on over, dance with us for a little while and then go about his business again. We really didn’t spend any time together at all. What I can say is that his charismatically charming smile made a lasting impression. Maybe it was his light spirited way that he glided through the night. I do not know, but his energy was infectious.
At some point, my aunt and I took a break from dancing, and sat down in the group area. Shortly thereafter a lovely woman sat with us. It was really just small talk until she propositioned me to have a threesome with her husband on their boat. I was completely taken back. I immediately said “no thank you, I am married.” She was like, “oh, well you are with the group right?” I said “yes.” She said “you have the bracelet on.” I said “yes.” She said “you know this is a swingers party, right?” No sooner, I whipped my head to my aunt and was like… aunty. What the heck! She was like, you should feel so proud and happy. The hottest girl here wants you to have a 3some. LMAO. We had a good laugh about it, and went on with our night of dancing, laughing and enjoying the final moments of pure bliss before the nightmare unraveled at home.
Stay tuned as the stories continues ....
XOXO,
Mizzy
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Background:
Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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