Fourth of July - The Turning Point to me Finding my Way into the Swingers Lifestyle
- Mizzy Bender
- Mar 26
- 7 min read
Updated: 5 days ago
Mindful Mizzy
3.26.25
Fourth of July - The Turning Point to me Finding my Way into the Swingers Lifestyle
Have you read The Days Following the Meet & Greet? Then you are ready to read the next part. If not, click to catch up: The Days Following the Swingers Meet & Greet: The True Beginning to the End
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
It was an awkward drive to work. The silence in the car was unbearable. We spent a lot of mornings like that, but that was our life. We car pooled together because I figured he wouldn’t drink and drive at work and from work, and especially with me in the car. I was wrong on all of those thoughts. It became Russian roulette every day. I look back on so many things and think to myself… what the fuck were you thinking? Ok, so if he is going to drink and drive, let him. Why do you have to be part of it? It’s not like you are stopping it in any way. —- But I always thought I could. So, the days were what they were. Through the silences, flashbacks of life were cruising by. Tears were rolling down my face quietly, thinking about how awful life was. But I only had a few minutes to breakdown, because I needed to be on point at work. To pull myself together, I thought about the ridiculously fun dance off I had with this super amazing gay may. His spirit was alive and thriving. I'd like to make note, he was not part of the swingers lifestyle meet & greet. He was a regular party goer living his best life with sunglasses and boa.
We pulled into my office parking lot and I quickly dismissed the sadness and dance party all happening in my head. It was time to put my big girl panties on and take on the corporate work day.
By the time I settled in, I did what needed to be done and that was make amends. I had my sweet nephew sleeping over that night and I did not want to object him to a drunken mess. So, I had to make peace.
Throughout my day, I kept thinking about Saturday night and how free life was for those in the swingers lifestyle. I mean, that's what it seamed like to me anyways. Truthfully, I knew nothing of it at the time. But I did see a lot of flirtatious behavior between couples, the ladies pushing the boundaries on interacting with each other. Small things here and there. Hell, I was envious over the outfits they wore! That night, while I was there, I didn't put much thought into it at all. The days following, it was popping into maybe I was trying to hang on to the happy joy that I felt from dancing and laughing all while being down at the beach on a glorious summer night to escape the true reality I was living. In my heart, I wanted to live life. I was making the best of the life I had, but I felt like I was missing out on so much.
It was time to head home for the holiday weekend. My ex arrived at my office and it seemed like he was sober. So that was a big plus. On the way home, I reminded him that my sweet bean was sleeping over and to please not drink. He agreed and said he understood my perspective from everything that had transpired over the last few days. I had little faith, but I went with it, because I needed to get my game face on for my nephew. I never ever let anyone on to things being bad. We could be in the middle of a huge war with me living in another bedroom and I didn’t say a word to anyone. I wouldn’t allow my step son to be subjected to it either. He had no idea the depths of his dads issues. I feel I shielded him from a lot, but he certainly knew things were bad and that his dad was a true mess. It was really really sad, honestly.
Soon enough we arrived home, with my nephew arriving just about the same time. I chatted with my sister for a bit, then my nephew and I went to the backyard to hang out. He put on his little red headed charm to convince me to take him for frozen yogurt in my cool new car. I mean, how can you resist that? And also, he wanted to invite my ex to come with us. Before I had a chance to make a statement, he was calling my ex in the house. A few minutes later, my ex arrived in the backyard just about on the brink of being wasted. I was sick to my stomach. I quickly made an excuse as to why we had to go alone, and got out of there.
The sweet little bean and I had so much fun. He makes me laugh so much. So charismatically sweet and witty. Now that he is a teenager, he's even funnier. I am the aunt that will buy them whatever they want. I would give them all the world if I could. It makes me happy that I am able to spoil them. It makes me happy that my brother and my sister are so close to me that their children are like my own. My sweet bean is my godchild, and spent so much time with me while in his baby to early kid years. So it was no surprise that he was with me for the Fourth of July.
Our frozen yogurt adventure was over and it was time to head home. By the time we arrived home, my ex had set up an entire living space in our unfinished basement. On a cement floor completely uneven, sleeping on a foam pull down couch that was made for toddlers. It was unbelievable, but I didn’t even pay any attention. I just figured he was in another drunk binge and he’ll be back upstairs later.
Boy was I wrong. It worked out well that he was downstairs. My stepson was out, so he didn't know anything was going on at home. By the time curfew came, the house would be dark. Tomorrow would be a brand new day and we’d pretend like Tuesday never happened.
My nephew and I enjoyed our sleepover in the living room. He loved my couch. It was one that had two independent recliners. He would get himself snuggled just perfectly. We’d watch movie after movie after movie. He loved Rango so we generally watched it on repeat often enough. I let him do whatever he wanted. You want to blow bubbles in the house? Sure! You want to ride your bike in the house? Sure! You want to sidewalk chalk my wood floors? Sure! My thought was … let the kid live. I was the same way with my step son. I wanted him to live his best life. Now that I think about it, and after a ton of therapy, I probably wanted them to enjoy growing up differently than I did. Especially my step son. The challenges he was faced with, with his dad, and sadly, his mom wasn’t any better in her own ways. It was enough to make him very guarded. I know I over compensated for it all. But you know what, I don’t regret one bit.
Fourth of July 2018
The day I was able to say Fuck You, I am absolutely moving on, and I am not looking back.
Wednesday morning came and to my surprise my ex was still on the basement floor. By early afternoon his son realized he was down there and started asking all sorts of questions. I said, it would probably be best to just leave it be. Get yourself together and go hang with your friends. And so he did.
My nephew and I were chillin’ on the couch, not really up to much when the text messages started flowing. They were mean and gross. But the one that really got to me and changed my life in a split second. The message that made me say you are a terrible terrible person. That made me say, I do not need to take this any more. The message was ….
You are the reason 17 veterans commit suicide a day.
Every ounce of air, life, love that I had in my body exited at that very second. At that moment I knew what I had to do. I need to think and figure out my plan. I had one year until my step son graduated. I just couldn't wait that long. I needed to figure it out, and I needed to figure it out quick! I knew I was no longer afraid to leave.
To hear what happens next, follow along every Tuesday at 12pm EST
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
XOXO,
Mizzy
The stories and experiences shared on this blog reflect my personal journey, memories, and perspective. Everything I share here represents my truth, told through my eyes and heart. This content is deeply personal, and out of respect, it should not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any manner without explicit permission.
Each individual mentioned in my stories has played a significant role in my life—people I have deeply cared for, still care for, and hold respect toward. My intention is never to harm, offend, or disrespect anyone. Instead, my aim is to honestly share my experiences, thoughts, and emotions from my personal viewpoint.
Please read these stories understanding that this is solely my perspective, and others involved may see or remember these moments differently.
Thank you for respecting my story and those within it.
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Background:
Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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